Divorce Guide

How Not To Get Divorced

The quick answer to the question is not to get married in the first place, although we appreciate that that is probably not helpful at this time! So let us look at the common problems and how to avoid making these fundamental divorce mistakes.

You have decided that the marriage is over and there is no chance of any reconciliation at all.

You think about divorce but you are not sure about where to start, who to talk to and what to do. Here are some practical tips and pointers from a divorce lawyer about some non-legal but important matters to bear in mind. For more help in this section see also "How To Get Divorced" and "Divorce Legal Advice" which can be read in conjunction with this one:

Do not get aggressive or violent; nothing can be achieved this way and the courts will take a very dim view of you.
Do not act dishonestly with money or assets; attempts to hide assets often turn out to be futile and if discovered, your own credibility and position will be prejudiced. There is a saying – “to seek equity, one must go clean hands”.
Do not name a third party on an adultery divorce petition; there is no legal need to do so, and involving the third party often causes further unnecessary acrimony and legal costs.
Do not resign from your employment “whilst divorce is happening”. The court will see through that ploy quickly and again your credibility and honesty will be put into question.
Do not get involved in a romantic relationship YET. Apart from the fact that from an emotional point of view, you are in a very vulnerable state, being involved with someone else can cause complications in the negotiations for a financial settlement. For the same reason, if you are already involved with a third party, try not to cohabit or mix up your finances.
Do not unilaterally stop payment of bills or mortgage payments, or empty the joint bank account or disturb the status quo in any way without discussing it with your spouse.
Do not move out of the family home, or move somebody in to the family home. You do not lose any legal rights to the property by moving out, but your presence in the property can often maintain gentle pressure on both sides to resolve matters quickly.
Do not have arguments or fights in front of the children. They can probably sense the tension already so do not add to their suffering.
Do not waste money or sell off assets cheaply, it will count against you.
Do not involve extended family or friends who can often inflame the situation. By all means talk to them in the background for support but do not use them to talk to the other party or directly involve them in any way.

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